When Your Kid’s The “Muscle” And Other Rantings

How could I forget my story from last week? My 7 year-old was part of a little dust-up last week. He was neither the victim or instigator. Just the muscle. Sigh.

There was about 6 boys involved, and my son is a pacifist. He may pretend to cut his brother’s arms off with his light saber, but much like his mother, he’s a lover, not a fighter. When his friend O and O’s nemesis J managed to once again cross paths at recess, they got into it (from what I understand, this is not the first time.) O was getting the crap beaten out of him and asked my son to help him. My kid puts his arms around J (and he demonstrated this on me, much to my delight as I tried not to die from laughter, since I had a feeling I knew how this would turn out), innocently holding J down. O promptly begins wailing on J, causing my son to think to himself “hmm…that isn’t right” and lets go. Lucky for him, teacher had seen the beginning and was already moving when everything started going down.

A visit to the principal’s office brought tears (my kid) and a lecture about making better choices (from principal). He wanted to keep J from hurting his friend. Legitimate. I understand. He had no idea O was going to start hitting, that’s why he let go. Validated by teacher. Others who I have retold this story to admire the, pardon the pun, balls of my kid, being as this is COMPLETELY out of character, so makes the mental image even funnier. “Hey Guido, go down to Chinatown and take care of some business for me.” I’m tickled again just thinking about it. Not because he was in his first fight, but that he actually held his own.

Alrighty then, switching gears, time for another etiquette lesson y’all. It’s called “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, you ungrateful b**ch”, to quote a friend who is very bitter right now. She’s throwing a birthday party for her friend who not only is being completely useless and helpless, and is taking a thousand years to do the simple tasks she has been assigned. Like getting the guest list together. Or inviting 30 more people after finally getting the original (incomplete) guest list together without regard to the time, energy and money it takes to finance such an event.

Remember people, if someone is throwing you a party, be a gracious honoree. Be prompt when you are asked to get addresses and phone numbers, or register if you are having a shower. Don’t poo-poo on the ideas, and if you are asked your opinion, give it, DON’T say, “I don’t know, whatever you want” then get pissed when it’s not what you want/expect. Unless Donald Trump is footing the bill, remember that someone else who is not you is paying for everything, and there is a dollar amount for every change in idea. And for heaven’s sake, DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THE PARTY. Say “So and so hosted this for me, aren’t they amazing?” Just because it’s for you/your baby, doesn’t mean it’s about you. It’s about the blood, sweat and tears of the hostess/es, all you had to do was show up. On time. For the love of all that is holy, do not be any kind of late to any event in your honor. Seriously. I know people who would be late to their own funeral.

And speaking of etiquette, loving this post on children and table manners by Lisa Gache, the founder of Beverly Hills Manners. Ah, remember the days when kids used to go to finishing school, and called adults “sir” and “ma’am” and not by their first name? It’s like nails on the chalkboard when kids call me by my first name. My kids call adults “Mr. Joe” or “Ms. Kim”. It’s a sign of respect, that much like table manners, sending thank you notes, prompt RSVPing, and saying “please” and “thank you” is becoming a sad rarity.