Please, not the face…
So, the latest celebrity “I was still drugged up when I named this child” crack-habit is Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s newborn son…Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Why would I make that up? I was totally gonna talk about the article I was reading at the checkout line; the face-off between the 2 year old offspring of Brangelina and Tomkat where one still drinks formula out of a bottle (but wears designer dresses) and the other eats Cheetos and fights over cookies. Now that child is a Brit-Brit-in-training y’all!
But the name thing caught my eye. I know these kids will never see the inside of a public institution, but don’t rich kids still beat each other up? I totally hoped they would stay on the G-train and name their kids like Georgia and Geoffrey, or some other disgusting alliterated name. But no, I think they are sending shots out to the islands where they must get the good weed from, because the first one is named Kingston. And not one of them have dreadlocks.
Where is CPS when you need them? Future abuse by peers just can’t be permissible by law. I’m just imagining Zuma coming home everyday with his mom’s designer clothes ripped (I’m sure by then she’ll have a boys’ line) weeping that the kids keep calling him Zima and laughing hysterically when he tries to correct them.
Yeah, I bet it will probably be Brit-Brit’s boys meting out the punishments, those kids didn’t stand a chance.
For more children standing in the line that has run out of lollipops, check out this list.