How About A Round of Applause

So, the Rihanna song “Take A Bow” (stuck in my head and constantly humming) is the latest song of the break-up-and-get-gone genre that always strike a chord in every woman and a man or two. We’ve all been there, Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable” was the chant last year, and of course the bitter woman national anthem “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrisette or is it “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor? It depends on if you feel like leaving the key in the mailbox, or use it to scratch up the car.

My all-time favorite bitter song is “Love Stinks” by The J.Geils Band, but Adam Sandler’s version in The Wedding Singer, the pain rendered in that song is PRICELESS! The other great song is the one he wrote for Linda when he was in love, and then finished after they broke up (“I can’t believe I found a love that’s so pure and true. But it all was bulls****. / It was a goddamn joke / And when I think of you, Linda / I hope you f**king choke”) Ah yes, hell hath no fury, be it a man or a woman.

So, anyhoo, it got me thinking about my past breakups (mercifully not many and no crank calling or destruction of property) and the ultimate breakup, the divorce. Shanna Moakler (pictured above) former Miss USA, and Oscar De La Hoya’s baby mama, threw herself a divorce party when her marriage to blink-182 drummer Travis Barker failed, and in of all places, Las Vegas. I think the cake says it all. Well, she should have known, though, having your own reality show is a ticket to Divorce Court, duh, one is an accident (Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson), two is a pattern (Shanna and Travis), three is just a hot mess (Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra).

Nothing says emancipation from a crappy marriage like a party. I’m all for it, and I hope, God forbid, if my time ever comes, my friends throw me the biggest, tackiest party ever. I didn’t have the pleasure of a bachelorette party, so the cosmos must be balanced.

A little search reveals that this trend is growing in popularity. Divorce parties seem to be the rage, after all, we have parties for every other event in life, why not the ending of your marriage? The average wedding in the U.S. is about $28,000, so I guess the circle is complete. Filling this untapped market back in 2003, Christine Gallagher’s guide includes party themes, food ideas, even divorce party etiquette.

Get the party started with these postcard invites, so guests know to wear their eatin’ pants.

Break out this break-up pack, complete with shades for those cryin’ eyes and a voodoo doll.

Catch those assorted-Hostess-pastry crumbs with the Single Again! napkins and dessert plates

Appropriate activities that do not include fire or stalking: watching a plethora of break up movies like Waiting To Exhale, First Wives Club, Kramer vs. Kramer (not Seinfield smart-ass!), and my personal favorite War of the Roses; hoping that Brangelina break up and can’t find anyone hotter than themselves to hook up with (aren’t those two just movin’ on up in the Hooking Up With Hotter and Hotter People ladder…love you guys, I’m so open for adoption too!).

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